Jusenkyo Lesson #23951
by Ryuko-chan
Summary: How does one become a Jusenkyo guide? Well, the guide tells his daughter, Plum. It involves ferrets... and garlic butter.. Or does it?


Long long ago, there was a field of hot springs. They weren't unlike any other hot spring that a person could see on their visit to China. Hot… Hot.. Pretty much hot, that was about it. Then one day, a passing sorcerer tripped and fell into the spring. He couldn't swim. With his dying breath he cursed the springs, cursed them with every curse he could think of. The curse of heat, the curse of moistness, and then, as a last ditch effort, the curse of whatever is last killed by you will become whatever living creature you touch. That was the one that really stuck. Over the years, many creatures drowned in the springs, causing, in effect, thousands of very tragic stories, such as the one of Ranma and Genma Saotome, or that of Mousse and Shampoo, or that of Ryouga Hibiki, or that most tragic one, the story of a man named Pantyhose, whose life already sucked, from the first day he was born.  
  
But… Those are only the stories that we know of. How many more tragic stories could be encased in the bubbling, and comfortable looking waters of this treacherous spring? Only one man knows.. And no.. it's not the shadow, though I'm sure he has some sort of inkling.. knowing what lurks in the hearts of men and all… Oh, wait.. ew… That's a little icky.. Anyway, back to the story. Only one man knows, and his name is… Jusenkyo guide. ::Salutes:: Here is a story, from his lips… Not FROM his lips, per se.. through his lips? Out of his lips? His lips moving, and causing words to come out? Oh.. whatever. He's tellin the damn story.. But not to you.. Oh, geez, just read it!  
  
Impromptu Jusenkyo Lesson #23591  
  
"La la la…" Said Plum as she ran circles around the springs, "La la la!" she sang.  
  
"Plum…" said her father, Jusenkyo guide.  
  
"Yes, Daddy?" Plum said in Chinese.  
  
"Please don't play around the springs like that." He said.  
  
Plum sighed, "Father.. I've been playing here since I was born.."  
  
"I remember one time, when a young man played around these springs…" he said.  
  
"Father, is this going to start another lesson?" she asked.  
  
"Yes." He said, "Long long ago, about 1500 years, a man was trained to be the first Jusenkyo guide. He was guide for many many years. About ten or fifteen, I would say.. And one day, a young man came to visit the spring."  
  
Long long ago.. (About 1500 years)  
  
"La la la… What a fine day.." said the young man, whose name really doesn't matter.  
  
"Good morning, young man.. Please be careful, these are the tragic springs of Jusenkyo, if you fell in, it would be a tragic outcome." The Jusenkyo guide said, in a warning tone of voice.  
  
"Oh, don't worry.. I am young, and full of the vigor of youth, nothing will ever happen to me, in my youthful foolishness, I am sure of that." The young man said..  
  
"DADDY!" No, that wasn't in the story, that was in the present time.. Wait.. one sec.  
  
Jusenkyo, the Cursed springs… Present day  
  
"What is it?" the Jusenkyo guide asked. Plum frowned,  
  
"That's not what he really said!" she protested.  
  
"I know.. But that's just the way that these Chinese "lets learn something" proverbs go.." he said.  
  
Anyway, continuing the story…  
  
The young man, after making his foolish statement, continued to take his constitutional around the treacherous springs.  
  
"La la la… Oh, my.. It seems as if I have some gum on my shoe." He said, and balanced precariously on one foot, removing the gum from his shoe. The guide covered his eyes, waiting for the splash.. But it never came. He opened his eyes, and saw the man, walking again, and breathed a sigh of relief. The young man walked up to him, and tipped his cap.  
  
"Well, thank you for the use of your spring for me to take my constitutional. I hope to see you again someday.." Little did he know… Well, anyway, now that we're finished with the suspenseful part, let's start a new paragraph!  
  
The man then walked around, heading for the exit. However, by some odd misfortune, and a freak rainstorm, the man slipped on a small jellyfish, which had rained there the night before. The man slipped, and fell into the Jusenkyo guide, which wouldn't have been a problem, as the guide was proficient, and had to be, at keeping his balance near the springs, however, the guide had just been eating lunch, and, not seeing the error of his ways, had just thrown his banana peel on the ground. He slipped on it, and fell into the nearest spring. One that, coincidentally, had not had a person drown in it before.  
  
The young man fell in after him, and as the Jusenkyo guide sank deeper and deeper.. He struggled to swim up. As he surfaced, he found that he had aged many years.  
  
"These springs will age a person????" he shouted incredulously, and then looked in the mirror he kept in his pocket. (Well, he may or may not have kept it in his pocket, the plot device may have given it to him) and when he looked in, he realized that he looked exactly like the now departed Jusenkyo guide.  
  
Back in the present day..  
  
"So he was the new guide? How could he do that with no training?" she said.  
  
Her father shrugged, "It doesn't take much… You just kinda say… It very bad you fall in spring! Cursed Springs Jusenkyo! and then watch.. if they fall in, then you look at them, and say, Oh, you fall in spring of (Insert name of spring here) Very tragic story! (Insert name of drownee) Fall in spring (such and such number) years ago. See, now you (Insert name of drownee once again)!" He smiled, "See, easy! Someday you will be a Jusenkyo guide, too!" Plum looked up…  
  
"Father, did you fall in spring of drowned Jusenkyo guide?" she asked.  
  
"Maybe.. You'll never know…" He said with a grin.  
  
"Daddy!!"  
  
And so ends our touching story.. A story of Love, Passion, Underfed Parakeets, Baguettes with a little garlic butter, and many small ferrets with berets. Wait.. That's not this story? Oh… Oh, yes.. This is the Jusenkyo story.. Right… I forgot.. Um.. A story of Old men, hot water.. Small girls named Plum, the tragic deaths of a jellyfish and a banana.. And I think some guy died, too.. Or went all crazy-nuts.. I'm not sure, I really didn't read the story.. Whatever… Anyway, It's over, so… Go back to your lives… GO! GO! Come on, you know you have one.. A life that is.. It may be a very small one… Maybe.. come on, you know if you don't, you at least want one.. No! No marrying Ranma! Leave the poor boy alone! And Shampoo, too, all you perverted young boys. Find something else to obsess over. At least until you find another fic. Kisses.. BYE! 


End file.
